Unstoppable PhD Parents - Borjana

Borjana is a 4th year PhD students in political geography. She has three children who are 26, 17, and 14 years old. In this post, she’d share what it’s like as a single mom pursuing her education, and the connection between her original identify and her research.

Can you tell us about your field of study?

I study migrations and borders in political geography. Especially along the western Balkan Route, and through the Serbia, Bosnia and Herzegovina where the mass movements of people are happening. I'm looking at how people managed to cross the border and finding their voices from structural violence and brutality. From my minority and former refugee perspective, I find myself in a position where I have empathy for these people and tell their stories.

When did you move to the US and what motivated you?

I moved in 2002 and I just started my fourth year of PhD.

I came here because I wanted to study. The idea was to give my child who was nine at the time to a better chance. A better future so he doesn't have to face the war when he grows up. I wanted to provide a better condition of life for him.

How many kid(s) do you have and how old are them?

My oldest is on his own. He's 26 and a half. The middle child 17 and my daughter is 14.

Do you feel that your university provides support or meet your childcare needs? How does that work?

I started my school from my associate degree when my youngest was eight months old. We had some stipend support.

In graduate school, I know there’s a student parent association but they organize events for mostly young kids, not for teenage age with my children. I didn't find any help from my university. Since I always have to teach in a classroom, I hardly get the chance to do anything about it.

I feel they could be more supportive of single parents. I know a few other single parent friends who finish their PhDs but their university doesn’t have anything that specifics.

How do you feel the most difficult as a single parent?

It's a huge difference when you're doing for two people's work. If you don't go grocery shopping, there will be no food. There will be nobody cleaning the house, doing homework with kids, taking them to school and picking them up. One of the reasons I work full time on the side of my PhD is that I have to provide for food and pay bills. There’s no other parent sharing.

I just completed my comprehensive exams and the reason I was able to do that was COVID. When all the kids don’t need to leave the house, I was able to lock myself out and studied. Before the times I would be all day working and running between schools for kids pickup and drop-off. It's tough.

If there's one thing you would like to change for your life, what would it be?

I would want it to be more independent in the sense of working for myself and be independent of work. I love teaching and being with students, and I've managed to teach for six full years. But the administration and policy in America make the career under no security. For example, they pay pennies to lectures and don’t provide benefits. The number of semesters I can teach depends – my two classes got canceled when the semester started, leaving half cut in the income all of the sudden. The time I invested to prepare turned nothing.

To start something on my own is what I want to change. I want to fulfill my childhood dream to earn a PhD and become a doctor, even though I will be 48 when I finish. Bring my voice to people and show with my example to inspire other women that they weren't too late. It's never too late to chase your dream. It's never too late to educate. It's never too late to do something for yourself. It's hard, but that's what keeps me going.

When I see the young PhD students having their life structure, sometimes I wish I had just my PhD to do. And maybe that's why I'm holding it strong because it's for me – no matter how hard it is, it’s the thing I want to do for myself. But I have responsibility for my children to provide everything. With the current discouraging hiring in academia, I feel like starting something else completely independent.

How do you usually recharge yourself?

I made a mistake, especially in the first two years of my PhD, that I completely put myself on a back burner. Not only that I taught and went full time to school, but I also worked a second job to support my family. At that moment I got seriously ill and had surgery. After I recovered, I gained weight while studying for my comprehensive exam, which impacted my health.

I now would spend a whole Saturday off, enjoying a coffee, or something that's a way of escape and relaxing. I put on background music like jazz when studying or working. Recently I have a weekly yoga schedule. Anything that is health-related, I think that helps a lot.

Definitely, I feel that we need to take time for ourselves. We sit and work all day long, hours and hours, we can do something better for ourselves.

Have you ever tried to find some mom groups around in your local area?

I met more parents when I was in undergrad because our kids were of similar ages. The mommy groups from the graduate program grew apart. Besides, there are not so many single moms and going to school.

To connect Borjana, you can find her on Instagram @boba_phd