THE PHD FAMILY - resources and supports
It was in the early summer of 2016. When I anticipatedly welcomed the start of the 2nd year of the PhD program, I found out that I was pregnant. The feeling mixed with excitement, shock, and horror.
At my university, PhD students would need to earn their PhD candidacy by the end of their 2nd year of the program with successful oral pre-defense. And yet, the baby would want to join the game before I got my hands on preparing the research work and qualification defense. At that time, I was terrified of failing at the requirements, leading me to leave out of the program and eventually, out of the country.
Being kicked out was the last thing I wanted to happen. I had invested so much energy and time to set me on the PhD dream. I could not afford it if I was forced to drop out. My husband shared similar thoughts with me because, by the time the baby arrived, he would be also on the path to conquer his graduate career. With not much experience shared ahead of us, we had no idea how our new life was going to look - particularly, in a foreign country where support and resources were limited to us. We even schemed to send our baby back to our home country until we secured as PhD candidates.
Chiung-Wei at the OB, exciting to ultrasound-meet the baby Dalt-Dalt.
I revealed the news of pregnancy with my advisor when I passed the 12-weeks mark. The weeks in between were awful. I experienced 24/7 sickness while navigating the lab work. My mind was set to focus on getting work done before anything turned bad. The reality was, however, I barely finished anything because of the non-human-being-like first trimester.
It did not have to be like this, I realized. If I could travel back, I would be kind to myself.
About the qualification exam
After my advisor heard the news and our tentative plan, she immediately offered a vision of my PhD life. Instead of finishing the qualification exam in the spring next year, as my mind was set, she ensured me that the deadline could be arranged with flexibility. “PhD life is just part of life,” as I remembered how she tried to put a perspective and to soothe out my anxiety and insecurity. Recognizing the flexible timeline had made such a difference.
I’ve been aware that academic life is rigid, leaving little room for personal life. In a way, I agree with it, so I do my best to protect myself from being destroyed. The fact of becoming parents, yet, is new and somehow that “Raising children is a distraction” has been rooted in my head. To prove my dedication, I have to remove the distraction.
However, it doesn’t have to be like this. Life is, life. Pursuing a career should not have meant that we sacrifice the other perspective of ourselves. If anything, raising children is one of the most powerful motivations, rather weakness.
About support
Eventually, I passed the exam at the end of 2017, officially became a PhD candidate. The extended deadline was part of the supports that the department and my advisor had offered.
After birthing the baby, I took a 10 weeks maternity leave. The university offered 6-weeks fully paid leave with insurance covered. The rest of the 4 weeks I had zero wages, but my advisor put me on insurance while keeping me enrolled in the graduate program. As an international student, it’s particularly a top priority to keep myself enrolled, sometimes adding a layer of complexity to life.
Researching while parenting has never been easy. To thrive at the professional end, I’ve learned ways to maintain a structured routine and one of them was using the child care system. Since our baby was 2 months old, my PhD life would have tied with our daycare center. Over weekdays, I set my mind focused on handling the lab work. When the preschool closed, I paused - even if it meant that I had to work in the night and weekend to catch up.
The tuition for child care is, however, a real financial burden. With the baby’s enrollment, the monthly charge is about my paycheck - not to mention the housing rent and the rest of the bills we have to take care of. Fortunately, my university provides a child care subsidy which hugely alleviates the financial loading. If not with the reliable caring and financial supports, I cannot imagine how my husband and I were to survive.
Dalt-Dalt (8 months old) at the daycare, taking a quick nap.
The journey has been bumpy but also given me a profound perspective. Therefore, I’m writing this post to hopefully lift the curtain and inviting discussions to support PhD students family. It’s a tough and isolated experience. With properly directed resources and supports, we can navigate the challenges and look forward to the sweet joys :)