Change

Two weeks into my new work style, I'm feeling... saturated, scared, and settled in.

There are several layers in this single sentence. This post is dedicated to unpacking these feelings and facts.

Some context: I probably haven't fully revealed the backstory and driving motivations behind my recent change from working in the industry as a scientist to a program management role in a non-profit. I will most likely do that, spitting out pieces of my shaped and evolved thoughts and decisions.

Anyway, in early January 2025, I resigned from my position as a chemical industry scientist after three years. My original LinkedIn post about it was removed for security reasons, but here in the newsletter are the edited picture and the original text.

What an audience reach! I don't know if people or the algorithm like the "leaving" or "quitting" content, or if it's something really resonates.

Saturated

My new job comes with SO MANY meetings. During the initial remote work phase, my eyes burned from being glued to the monitor for hours on end. The number of meetings, or the nature of back-to-back meetings, shouldn't surprise me as I was involved in many roles in the past that naturally generated calendar blocks.

But this new meeting wonderland took me aback how I lost control of my calendar. The usual company-wide consent lunch break time was broken too. Because of the stakeholders with whom my team works, availability tends to peak around noon. My first official work-from-home day ended with a miserable feeling of dizziness, weakness, and stomachache because I failed to provide my body with proper food and nutrients, despite believing I could push through. My neck and legs also hurt because my office was not yet set up as a remote work friendly environment. All the physical discomfort and constraints drained my mental energy pretty quickly.

Information and workflow also add up to the level of saturation. Absorbing the operational tasks can be fairly easy to handle once I understand the workflow and the purpose. But most of the time, I'm in the process of familiarizing myself with everything -- who is doing what for why and by how. Connecting the dots is the nature of my work personality, and the brain can become burned out and the heart deflated if a specific part is unclear. This nature can be a strength (Connectedness ranks my top 1st in StrengthFinder) yet a weak point by spending too much time and energy figuring out something that can wait until later.

All in all, these can be fixed and are being fixed. I'm much better at adapting to my new work style and lifestyle. I'd force myself to get out of my chair and look away from the monitor. Taking as many small breaks helps. Between rushing the kids to school and logging on to my computer in the morning, I'd try to squeeze in a few minutes of yoga. I'm attempting to implement a short meditation into my daily routine, preferably during the daytime, but it remains a battle. I'll see about that.

I'm also asking many questions and looking for help. Getting clarity quickly and frequently not only helps with onboarding but also generates motivation and interaction, which I enjoy. Besides team members' checking in, the daily one-on-one meeting with my manager, (which is again a new level of meeting interactions for me, as I didn't previously speak with my manager on such frequency!), made me recognize the benefit and visibility of such interaction. I shared my observations, asked for feedback, and clarified our team's goal and mission, as well as my work.

I'd continue to remind myself that it's okay to be slow at first. It might take weeks to match the pace and capacity of everyone else.

Current "upgrades" of my home office desk. Surprisingly, a monitor mount that raises both screens to the eye level already fixed 80% of the problem. A dedicated work computer also helps. Not pictured is a footrest underneath the table—a necessity!

Scared

This screamed out louder as I made the decision and considered leaving my scientist role.

"Who will I become if I don't do science anymore?"

"Do I waste my PhD, my MS, and all the industry science and engineering experience?"

"What does my creation of 'Shine with Your Science' and personal brand even matter if myself not contributing to research?"

I had probably fallen into the trap of believing that research activities are the only way to reach true scientific contribution and success. While the media talked about leaving academia for other routes after PhDs, I'm dealing with the inner voice that told me that leaving a lucrative STEM career is a bad idea. I'm sure I won't have the answer whether it is, and no one can. What I'm certain of is that I'd have little hope that happiness would come along if I stayed in the position and industry. So I made the change.

In addition to viewing activities through the lens of career choice, I contemplate the impact of a pay cut due to the career change. Part of my anxiety probably stems from the way society encourages and advertises seeking higher pay by changing jobs or industries. Oddly, I'm doing the opposite. I won't hide the fact that I have researched and followed media voices on getting a 200k+ job with management or leadership visibility. It's a natural path for me: at my age, at my experience professional level, with a family of young children to be supported, there's no lack of needs to chase a high-paying job.

I realized the equation was more than just the financial number. Yes, it is super important. Also yes, I'm privileged to be able to think about things other than salary. The country and culture in which I grew up emphasized the strong link between success and earnings, which I have no doubt absorbed, causing hesitation and fear. I'm now just as glad as I stepped out of the rooted mindset and made the decision to pursue a path that was not traditional to the community I came from, expanding my understanding of what's possible a little more.

Settled In

Overall, how am I feeling?

I feel good, about myself. I'm in alignment with the new team's overarching goal and generally pumped about the activities planned.

I grieved about leaving the corporate world, and was heartbroken with tears when I mentally settled with the decision and started to share the news. But I'm as peaceful as placing the grief in a nice box and thanking the experience that shaped me.

I don't feel the need to prove much, to do more, to be enough. Of course, there will be performance like every corporate world does, and I have to meet and stretch certain goals and KPIs. Achieving things is my thing and in my DNA. But it has to be done in a way that lets me enjoy the journey—the views, the nitty gritty, and the process itself.

The day I visited DC for orientation covered with snow and frozen. I couldn't do much, not even visit the headquarter building. On the way home to the airport, I snapped a shot of the memorial to memorize my change.